We interrupt your previously scheduled post to bring you this rant... Yeah, I was trying to get all caught up, but all this blogging has me wanting to actually blog!
Anyway, it was my 28th birthday last week (I'm a little late finishing this post, now it was last month!), and I found myself awake at 4am. Of course, being pregnant, I had to pee and I was hungry. So, I decided to go down my creaky stairs and make myself a PB&J. I ended up on Facebook while I ate, and before I knew it, it was sunrise. I couldn't help but think to myself how fitting it was that I would be awake to see the sunrise on the first day of my 28th year. I have a feeling I'll be seeing quite a few more sunrises in the next year. The only difference is there will be a baby in my arms instead of in my stomach. The house was still except for the purring of Pandora hanging out with me. I started thinking about everything that is in store for our little family. I started thinking about some of the resolutions I had made for this year, now that we're more than halfway through 2009. Of course, getting pregnant wasn't really in the list, and all those months of morning sickness continuing into baby-dreaming put somewhat of a hold on my previous goals. I've copied my resolution list here to remind myself of what I've accomplished.
1. Make my home into a place that is conducive to creating (purge, organize & decorate).
I actually have done a lot of what I intended for this one! The painting/sewing studio is now operational, and the guest room is gorgeous (although it will now house baby stuff as well as guests). The basement is still scary, but I can ignore that.
2. Make more homemade meals (frozen pizza sucks).
Again, with the early pregnancy sickness, this didn't happen. I didn't even want to go into the kitchen! I am happy to report that my husband took over the cooking, and I've had very few, if any, frozen meals. He also planted our garden and we have raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, tomatoes, peppers, and fresh herbs growing outside of our kitchen!
3. Sew some dresses & curtains.
I finished a little bunny for an Easter present, but that's it.
4. Wear more red, turquoise, and yellow.
Do hand-me-down maternity clothes count?
5. Get out of (toxic) debt.
Almost there!
6. Read more books.
I heart the library!
7. Don't get stressed & grumpy so often (stupid traffic).
I am trying on this one, but I think there's a lot going on with hormones. Sometimes I feel great, and other times I'm just tired and hungry. I can't imagine feeling this way everyday around my baby.
8. Take more photographs (and get them printed).
The taking more photographs hasn't been going terribly, but I haven't even gotten a single wedding photo printed. I'm still sucking on this one.
9. Learn a language.
We started to learn Brazilian Portuguese... Um... Not easy. It was useful for Brazil though! It all fell out of my head already. :(
10. Start an Etsy business.
This is the big one that I've totally been slacking on. Now that we have a space conducive to creating, I feel like I'm still not finding the time. I'm exhausted by the time I get home, so I'm lucky if I can get laundry done, much less make stuff, take pictures, and create a shop. This is definitely up there on the new priority list.
I was reading Pacing the Panic Room the other day, and the author (Ryan) was talking about all of the unsolicited advise people get when they're pregnant and as new parents. I couldn't agree more! I get so sick of hearing about how much I'll need to burp the baby and how much I'll need to nurse the baby and how crappy chemical ridden food that I wouldn't eat is going to be my "best friend" because it's so quick and easy!
I am already tired. I KNOW I'll still be tired once the baby comes, but please don't remind me that I'll be so tired I won't be able to get anything done. Please don't tell me that I don't need to get my house in shape or that I should save my energy and not nest. If I don't do it now, won't I be too tired to do it with a baby? I already know how depressed I am going to be with post-partum (I'm guessing). Please don't remind me that I won't be able to have a business if I'm not already established now because I'll be too depressed and tired. Please don't ask me which hospital I'm going to, because I'm not going to one. Please don't laugh when I admit my plans to cloth diaper because it didn't work for you. Please don't tell me I don't need to worry about the birth, because they just stick in the epidural and it's not that bad - I'm not planning on getting one.
I'm sure I haven't heard the end of it. I am not looking forward to all of the unwanted advise from strangers once I have this child. There are so many schools of thought out there, and I feel like I'm walking a very thin line. I want to have my baby naturally and feed my child chemical-free food and stay away from all those crazy plastic toys, but that somehow makes me some kind of weirdo crunchy hippy. On the other hand, I am terrified of all those really hardcore "attachment" parents out there. Not all of my food or toys or baby sheets will be organic. Sometimes a disposable diaper will find it's way to the baby's butt. Sometimes I'll pump and let my husband do a feeding with a bottle so I can get some sleep (please don't tell me about nipple confusion). The whole thing honestly makes me want to clam up and not tell anybody anything about this pregnancy or baby.
And, NO, I am not planning on getting a breast reduction after I'm done nursing!!! Gack! Duh.
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3 comments:
Rose, Rose, I do love you. I SO FEEL YOU. Despite us having different ideas, blah, blah, blah, we both agree on one thing..STOP GIVING ME FRIGGIN ADVICE. Oh, if one more person told me how horribly tired I was going to be, I was going to ax them. If I do that to you, ax me. Really. Ax my head. I've probably done it w/o realizing it, so I'm sorry.
You do whatever the hellsa you want, however you want, because this is YOUR pregnancy, YOUR child. Oh and Nick's I guess. HA!
I had a big list of how I was going to do things, and people made some comments. You know what? I did pretty dang good...of course some stuff you do the best you can and sometimes it doesn't go exactly how you planned it (my no TV before 2 became no TV before 1 and yes, now we watch PBS in the mornings and do Elmo videos dang it!). But never let anyone get in the way of how your heart and head tells you to do stuff.
Oh, and one more thing. Don't feel discouraged that you didn't do everything on that New Year's list. That was a BIG A*S list, Rose!!! My new list for you is:
1. Do what makes you happy and what feels right.
2. Continue being fabulous.
That's it.
Um, is my comment longer than your actual blog? You love me, you know you do.
Well I thought I was going to post a long comment and feel awkward about it... then I saw Kara's... and well now I am ok with a ridiculously long comment.
#7... It's hard to choose to be happy even around your baby. I mean they are cute and cuddly but damn, sometimes you just want to scream in their face (yeah, never done that one before... ugh, bad mommy). The easier part is that unlike traffic, you love this little ball of insanity. I only say something because I am there... it's a complete and conscience decision with me sometimes ;~)
#5 Good for you and Nick! We did the same thing... learned we were pregnant and were like 'ok, time to get out of debt NOW!' you feel SO much better on the other end ;~)
As for the advice... my advice (ironic no?) is to let it roll off your back. People can be such budinski's it's ridiculous! The best thing I have come up with is know what you want to do and be firm. I find a lot fewer people nay say me when I am firm and aloof. Friends I always welcome advice from but acquaintances and strangers... not so much ;~)
Love you much! You are going to be a fantastic mom to that little girl and I can't wait to meet her and meet the mom you will be! It's an awesome ride... one that you can't even explain until it happens!
I am glad you posted this. As I am very confused about everything about myself and around my family nowadays, I feel somewhat refreshened after reading this blog, Strange, isn't it? I also love reading K and J's comments. They are all so true!
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