One Year Ago

One year ago today I found out about you. I had suspected, but it wasn't until February 1st that I knew for sure you existed. That day was a flood of emotions. I was terrified. Even though your daddy and I were married, and not really trying to not get pregnant, I all of a sudden wasn't sure if I was ready to be a mother. I realized I wasn't the person I had imagined myself to be when I became a parent. We had thought it would be another 6 months to a year before we got pregnant. Nick and I hugged and sat on the bed and thought about what the next year would hold in store for us.

Now you are here and growing quicker than I could have imagined. You are four months old. When you smile at me and laugh, joy fills me up to overflowing. When you cry, it hurts my heart. I marvel at all of the new things you can do and take in everyday.  When you wake up, you smile at me with your bright happy eyes, you play with your feet and "talk". You grab everything and shove it towards your mouth. You watch me eat with anticipation (sorry, you have a couple more months until you get to eat more than breastmilk.) You have found your voice, and love to shriek - especially at your dolly & Puppy Brite. Sometimes you try to shriek so hard, nothing comes out! You love it when I pretend eat your belly & smell your stinky feet! When someone walks in the room, you track them until they leave the room (sometimes you let go if you're nursing). You rub your eyes when you get tired & chew your thumb while doing this weird high pitched sing-song moan. You love to kick. You're addicted to TV & your reflection. You are so strong - already trying to sit up on your own. You love to play with my hands and face.

I think a lot about something Adam G. said when we announced the news to him & Jessi. He said, "It [having a baby] will totally change your life, but you won't mind a bit." Truer words were never spoken. Not only do I not mind, I'm incredibly grateful! I can no longer imagine life without you in it. I am so happy I got that double line a year ago today. Without it, I wouldn't have you.

(Now please take a nap!) :)