So I'm the girl who checks the credit card statement every month, even though I haven't used the "emergency" card in over a year. I'm the girl who sets up almost all of the bills to be automatically withdrawn. I'm the girl who pays the household bills (because if I let Nick do it, well, who knows if it would get done). I'm the girl who schedules her car payment a week early every month - just in case. So why is that Collections is calling me and my credit has now been trashed in the course of two months?
Wwwweeeeellllllllll.... Apparently my student loan grace period abrubtply ended while I was STILL IN SCHOOL. When I last checked the loan in May, no payments were due until Januray 2009. I went ahead and made 2 payments, just to keep down that interest. Now, I'm being told that I am delinquent for June, July & August. So my grace period ended 6 months early, without notice (or maybe I was just busy finishing my masters and planning a wedding), and my 2 payments didn't count towards it. Great. I'm furious. I'm sick of talking to rude girls in India who just keep acting like I did something wrong, and it couldn't possibly be a clerical error on their company's part. Grr.
And then the fury subsides. I want to cry. It's hopeless. No matter how hard I work, we'll never be able to get out from this debt. If I pay (oh so much money) every month, I'll still be paying my student loans until I'm 38. So, my future children are already screwed. I won't be able to save for thier college education, because all the extra money will be going towards paying off mine.
This all ties back into hating what I'm doing. As soon as I come to terms with the compromise I've made, I want to back out. Yes, I want Nick to go to school, and yes, I want us to be successful in the future... But I still feel like I'm going to be here forever, never making enough money to get us to a financially independent place. I feel guilty for even thinking about taking a honeymoon. I feel like any of the cash we have left over or get from the wedding should be put towards the car, the credit card, the mortgage, the student loans.
I've coined myself the Paper-Cut Queen, because that is what I do. I seperate samples and put them in envelopes. I file. I run a report from one database and enter the info into another database. I have my Masters degree to do what I could pay a 12 year old to do (except I have a fancy title - hmm... no one else with my fancy title, a masters and 10 years of experience is doing this...) Is this all sounding familiar? So, while I'm stuffing my envelopes yesterday, the designers are doing a photoshoot just feet away from me. I want to cry. I have my degree in photography and design... How have I let myself get here? How am I almost 30 and not doing anything I wanted to be doing in my career? Sigh. I need a vacation. I need a new job. I need more blasted money. I'm so voting democratic.
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5 comments:
To tell you you're not alone doesn't help, I know that. It's always something, isn't it? For you, it's the student loans. For me, it's the daycare and no house, etc. Then you read Nie Nie's blog and think, she has it all...and then it's all taken away. Nothing seems fair! It's frustrating, and sometimes we feel like hamsters on that wheel thingy. You have a lot going on w/the wedding, but once things settle down..maybe in the new year..even if you can't quit this position, you can start doing the things you love on the side...sewing, photography, etc.
We're way too badass to be this poor.
awww, I just want to hug you! I am so sorry you feel this defeated! I know that feeling of hating your job and it truly sucks.
I just sent Kara some websites geared toward being debt free and how to live more cost cutting... I will send it to you as well!
I feel the same way about the student loans... we basically bought a house without the luxury of having somewhere to live! keep your head up... it won't always be like this! When you are actively working to change your situation, it can't possibly stay the same!
As for the honeymoon... don't take out a second mortgage or anything but don't not go either! I agree that we should be doing what we can to save and pay down debt but not at the total expensive of happiness. Allow yourself controlled spending and the honeymoon should definitely be part of that!!!!
Don't give up on your honeymoon. Jessica and Kara said everything that I wanted to say. I want to cry with you but hang in there sister, it will only get better!
http://www.etsy.com/featured_seller.php
(Interview with irenesuchocki)
Here I found a story who was able to pursue her dream of being a photographer. She was born in mid-60's so she is much older than you and also was doing very different kind of works for living. I immediately thought of you when I was reading this. Cheer up!
Thank you to you all. I'm so glad that I have a supportive group like you to bring me back when I'm doubting.
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